Why am I finding me in you?

It is I who matter.

You left me.

Why am I looking for you?

Up the lone mountain, I went

To lie under the tree

To look at the blue sky.

Why did I ever want you near me?

I was fine without you, then.

So am I today.

I laugh at it,

I weep at it.

Up on the lone mountain,

Under the lone tree.

Am I complete, now?

Was I complete, then?

Do I need you, today?

Did I need you, yesterday?

Why was I clinging to you then?

Why was I always looking out for you?

Why did I even, look at you?

Who are you?

Who were you?

And, Who am I? Today? This day? This minute?

Up in the lone hill

Under the lone tree, I lay thinking…..

Am I lonely? Don’t I have me?

I have been trying to catch up with the Madras Players – an oldest English drama troupe’s plays online. That’s a special offer for the COVID lock down. The one that I enjoyed most was water – but could not complete the series. Each play was on the YouTube for 3 days. I got to complete watching the 2^nd play – chudamani – an anthology of different women – we encounter in our lives – mother, aunt, widowed friends, remarried niece, to-be-bride, probably a spinster struggling to take care of her blind father.

Each actor came out with their best performance – but the first story of 2 fathers belonging to two different ends of a spectrum was the best. ‘My wife wears only silk’ – a father’s statement with a tinge of pride and ‘oh, you live in Bombay’, with a submissive gesture by the other father justifies their viewpoint of their daughter’s wedding.

And, “I secured my son-in-law for Rs. 4 lakhs,’ was an even excellent dialogue used at the right time of the story to subtly show the dowry system that was prevalent then. The best was the last play where the bride-to-be compromises so many things for the sake of her marriage. The reality hits her that with compromising – she might turn out to be another version of her docile mother (who has no identity of her own) to take a firm stand by saying no to compromises and retaining her self-respect – more for herself than for others.

Of late, I have been hearing of women with lots of health issues. Is it really health issues? Or is it pent-up emotions leading to health issues in women?  I, many times, feel that headache, body ache, arthritis and any other health issues are manifestations of problems in a women’s life.

Most women have issues with husbands, children and of course, in-laws. Those pent-up emotions manifest in different health issues. I had a student’s mother very obese – then I learnt about she was a step mother to the student and her husband was always travelling leaving her to deal with the running of the family – unrequited love makes them addicted to food – food becomes an elixir of life. This leads to overeating and obesity.

These days, I notice tattoos – ‘that’s fashion’ would be the quick retort but then the reality might be – acceptance from family, friends or society. People with tattoos have some emotional issue with their loved ones which they are not able to sort out or not able to express. I, also look at piercing the body parts in the same way. Piercing at the earlobes, the belly and in hands are all indications of some disagreement with the family members which has not been resolved.

Any other views?

WHEN BIG BOSS WAS LAUNCHED IN TAMIL, IT HAD ITS ROUND OF CRITICISM IN THE MEDIA – MAGAZINES, NEWSPAPERS AND FM RADIOS. SOON, IT DIED DOWN. WHY? WAS THE CONTENT INTERESTING OR THE FORMAT NEW? NONE- IT DID WHAT NO OTHER ENTERTAINMENT DO – SHOWCASE THE WEAKNESS OF OTHERS – ESPECIALLY THE CELEBRITIES WHOM WE FROM A DISTANCE ENVY.

IT IS NICE TO NOTE THAT CELEBRITIES ARE PEOPLE WITH VICES, ANGER MANAGEMENT ISSUES, GOSSIP MONGERS AND CONFUSED. DOES THAT MAKE US ANY BETTER; NO IT MAKES US HAPPY THAT THEY ARE SIMILAR TO US. THEY ARE NOT ‘CELEBRITIES’ AS SUCH.

SO IS THAT IT? NO, I WAS IN THE PARLOUR YESTERDAY AND I NOTICED THAT MY STYLISTS WERE BUSY WATCHING SOME SIMILAR CONTENT ON MTV- WHERE YOUNG ADULTS WERE PAIRED AND THEY HAD TO PROPOSE, THEY HAD TASK TO DO.

MY STYLIST WAS TOO ABSORBED. SHE WAS DRAWN TO THE CONTENT SO MUCH THAT SHE HANDED OVER ME TO HER SUBORDINATE AND BUSY WATCHING THE FUN. UNPROFESSIONALISM? WHAT INTRIGUED ME MORE THAN ANGER ME WAS HER RESPONSE TO EVERY ACTION ON SCREEN. HER LAUGHTER WAS RINGING IN THE PARLOUR. SO I PEEPED IN TOO TO FIND THIS CONTENT.

WHAT MAKES THE REALITY SHOWS INTERESTING – AS I SAID EARLIER WAS IT ONLY LIMITED TO THE FOLLIES THAT WE SEE IN OURSELVES AND OTHERS OR IS IT THAT WE ARE CERTAIN THAT DREAMS OF BREAKING BARRIERS IN SOCIETY AND LIVING WITH STRANGERS NEED NOT BE DREAMT. IT CAN BE REAL TOO?  HAS TELEVISION BECOME AN ELIXIR IN LIFE WHERE SHE CAN SHOWCASE US, OUR POVERTY AND OUR SORROWS? HAS TELEVISION HELPED US TRANSCEND OUR INHIBITIONS, REVEL IN THE STATUS OF A CELEBRITY EVEN FOR A FEW HOURS OR LEFT US CRAVING FOR IT THAT WE CAN STOOP TO ANY EXTENT?

Not that I care,

But fear of pulling out

I shiver.

The pain is worse

than your decay.

Not that I care,

loosing you and others-

to decay,

I shudder.

What do I do?

Pull you or leave you in.

feel the pain now or wait for it later.

Wisdom tooth let me know.

I threw a tantrum at my son. I, who is 36 years, was furious at him for wasting food at dinner.  He had a full bar of chocolate before dinner, so he hardly ate anything at dinner. I shook my fist at him, yelled at my dad for pampering him, swore at him saying that he would not be allowed swimming until he eats healthy stuff. The entire episode got over an hour ago. I am calm and cool, now.

The more I reflect I realize my son was far better. He never let off his cool. He retorted back for every threat I flung at him. Happily, watched television while I was screaming my head off. And, exactly 30 min after me hopping mad at him, he pacified me with a bar of chocolate. He got me to smile with a few jokes and told me gently never to overfeed him again.

Life’s lessons I learnt – One can be firm and yet diplomatic. Humour helps in really nasty situations. Never, Never overfeed – as a mother- thinking you know the appetite better – our mother’s tricks do not work with this generation any longer.

Meena

Social Science Teacher

 

ALL AROUND YOU.

                              Omnipotent, I am.

                              Different faces, I have.

                              All around you –

                              You will find.

 

                              Musical and soft, individually….

                              Loud and giggly, in a crowd.

                              In a smile or a smirk.

                              It’s me.

                              Nearer to you, I am.

 

                              In joy and in despair,

                              In success and in failure,

                              In anger and in peace.

                              I am there.

 

                              Touch-me-not,

                              You never can.

                              Feel me, you will, you do,

                              The longer you live,

                              The longer I last –

                              In your state of mind.   

• Meena

Economics Teacher.

THE CONCEPT OF “UNCONDITIONAL LOVE”

 

I love to summarize theories.After, almost, eight years, I have managed to summarize my subject – Economics – in a single statement.  “THERE IS NO UNCONDITIONAL LOVE.”  Sounds, like a tagline for a movie? It’s the Naked Truth.

Everytime, I discuss this with my different batches of Economics students, I get different reactions – from a dirty look to a blank one. Some of them think I am cynical (I am, actually); some think it’s a joke and a few do not comprehend it. Let, me explain:

Everything, in life, comes with a price and an expiry date – even relationships. So does love – whether it is between two adults or between two siblings or between adults and children. The price takes a different form, under different circumstances. Most of the time it is materialistic and sometimes, it is intangible. The more I ponder, the more I realise that the  magnitude of  price varies between different forms of love; because there are two different people involved in a transaction      (oops,sorry)relationship, with different perspectives( to life) and different selfish motives( in mind).

Are we all aware of it? We are. It’s just that- we live in a state of constant denial of this fact. The idea that someone is showering unconditional love (when, in reality, they are not) suits our selfish motives and gives us a sense of security. As “rational” beings (an assumption – economists, often, use) we just cannot handle the thought of reflecting at our naked emotions.Infact, acceptance of this fact- would save us a lot of heartache or unpleasantness in life.

That brings us to the question – Are human beings, always, always, “rational”? True – the sixth sense works round the clock. We are never blinded by emotions, as we believe. Our head, every moment, weighs the cost-benefit of anything and everything, around us. It’s time, we accept that we give more, only, when we get more or are sure of getting more, in return for our love. Our love, towards others has a boundary and/or is conditioned. Anyone to prove me wrong?

• Meena

Economics Teacher.

Classroom  is the playing field for a teacher. We expect all kinds of players – quick learners, slow- learners, lazy ones, laid-back students, hyperactive kids, students with varying abilities. That makes a classroom interesting. It gives us a platform to experiment, to understand students better and to throw open different challenges to students with different abilities.

What if we work in institutions were the target is to produce students who can crack the IIT entrance? Where the students are trained to deal with the rat-race? Do such institutions really accept and understand the mosaic of students in a heterogeneous classroom? Or, is classrooms to them a laboratory  where the students are identified, classified- under various categories, sorted, labeled and packaged into different classrooms – students who have a slow  thinking pattern sit together?

Anyways, such homogeneous classrooms do exist in a country like India. It is patronized by many educationists – (that’s how they call themselves). I always ask a question to myself when this debate arises in my school – who are we to classify students and segregate them? Who has given us the authority to do so? Who are we to decide the future of a child? Is there a guarantee that a homogenous classroom provides open-minded students who later on, in life will be able to accept people with differences? Are we providing education for life  or are we achieving the literacy target?

Instead of making the  classroom transaction  interesting, why do institutions and teachers chose the easy way out to make classrooms even duller and shift the responsibility of learning onto the learner in the most barbaric way rather than adopting a creative approach during the classroom transaction?

A heterogeneous classroom is like an Indian wedding feast – it is a feast throughout the year. Homogeneous classroom is like a western  food- bland and leaves the diner unsatisfied.