“Do others look at me the way I want them to?  Do they see me as I am?”  Some questions in life can never be answered; but they cross our minds, often. We settle down with the fact that it is better left unanswered Universe has a way of throwing the answer at you.  Caught unaware; we would not know it then but reflections, sometimes silent contemplation takes us back to the journey or the point of time where we fit the answer with the question.

       Strange are the ways of the universe!  It was one hectic weekday at dusk the answer emerged. It emerged at a gathering – gathering of story tellers and story lovers at Vasanth Vihar.  With the rush hour traffic behind me and buzzing of the airplane about me; I heard a wonderful story of a flute player who transforms into a strong, dark knight thinking the Princess would love the knight better than the flute player.  The journey of the flute player transforming into a strong knight is fraught with problems, witches, cauldrons the crow, the King, the war…. The poignant part of the story where the Princess pines for the flute player leaving the knight aghast still rings in my ears.  The mesmerizing voice of the story teller, the gentle tinkering of music, the imposing but quaint white building in front of me (untouched by time; I should definitely admit) the old trees fading with the sunset all lead the answer to me, not that I knew it then.  It remained with me till I could go back in time and place it – as we place a flicker of light on a candle.  The multitude of peace – the layers and layers of peace that we experience at that moment is indescribable.

       Life’s Musings are strange – it always takes us back in time – back in time to stories of our own childhood, our moments of outburst, memories of conversations, dreams in sleeps, to our cries and wails, to our joys and laughter.  Every time we merge with our story, we see the truth.  Truth, which is probably; bare, naked, ugly, beautiful, heart-warming and repetitive – repetitive innumerable times that we still need stories to remind ourselves of the truth.

       In a way, are we the black hooded figure in one of the stories – who is not welcomed in any household in a village unlike the gay story teller?  So one fine night, they decide to work together.  Why did I remember this story? Let me see – Did I connect with happy story teller or with the clear insight of the black hooded figure called Truth or the people who slammed the door on the face of truth but welcomed the story teller? Musings again…

G. Meena, Teacher

Life at 40 is quirky

Envying the denims in 20s,

Copying the trends of 30s,

Trying to look attractive in the mirror,

Life at 40s is definitely quirky.

Loving the 4-course meals,

Magically presenting oneself at wedding feast;

Stealing a bite from child’s chocolate,

Life at 40s is wonderfully quirky.

Failing miserably to exercise

Trying not to visit the doc,

Yearning to look like Fashionista Ms. Funny bones,

Life at 40s is interestingly quirky.

Criticizing the millennial romance,

Dreaming about M & B,

Longing for the noon nap every day,

Waiting for the tea time gossip,

Pretending to sound intellectual

Ending up like R.K. Laxman’s Common man,

Claiming to have been born in “Good old days…”

Life at 40 in sympathetically quirky.

Reveling in other’s problems

Thanking our stars that

We are not the victims like them.

Smirking at neighbor’s troubles;

Dodging at our kid’s request for shopping

Crying along with the others,

Laughing at ourselves when alone,

Glaring at kith and kin who call us aunty,

Life at 40s – with its ups and down, is terrifically      Quirky.

From the rantings of two dudettes

Gowri Balasubramaniam – G.Meena

Gowri Balasubramiam (GB) : “Identify yourself” is a phrase I have heard in movies and the one being questioned responds with her or his  name, parents’ name, location, profession, so on and so forth to be able to identify who one is. In daily life, one’s identity is recalled while filling out forms for various reasons. Beyond that are we even aware of our identification with things, people, leaders, emotions, I wonder! Is it that I am dream walking unaware of the identity that clings to me or is it the other way round! I wouldn’t know for sure!

G.Meena (GM): The recent news about racial abuse during the India- Australia test services led me to think about the way we identify ourselves based on Race, skin, religion, caste or community. Though the news was disturbing, we somehow do not address the core issue. We talk about it for a few days and forget it. We do not dig a little deeper into it. Krishnamurti has, often, highlighted the need to do away with identification. According to Krishnamurti, identification is the root cause of most of our actions – mindless actions. Identification is like a dress – somewhere we feel naked when we do not associate ourselves either with a religion, a godman or a leader. This pushes us towards servitude or being submissive towards someone – more because we lack trust or faith in ourselves.

A person who does not believe in God – being an atheist is also a form of identification. It is strange that we are born free – free from identification. Death too frees us from identification that we have loyally stucco to throughout our lives. If we could be born free – free from identification then why is it that we cannot live without identification? Does identification with a gender, a philosophy or a school of thought really aid in our growth? Does it not bind us?

GB: It seems to me that it is quite difficult to live without identity. History has repeatedly shown that identification has helped in saving lives. Bitter truth! But, one community thrives and the other perishes. Ethnic cleansing is not new!

So as a lay person, there is a fear that, either silences or makes one loud. It makes one feel safe. Of course, this is about extreme situations. People who live in such geographical locations, which is on the rise, live in such fear.  When fear grows into helplessness, there is violence because fighting back gives a feeling of security.

GM: J. Krishnamurti emphasizes that one has to be aware of one’s want to be identified. But is identification a process unique to the human species only?  Is it applicable to animals, birds and other creatures with whom we share this planet? The answer is yes. Identification is a natural process of growth. So, we have to be aware of its limited function.

GB: Survival instinct.

Let’s dwell a bit deeper to see if this is a fact. There are a number of studies and observations that show how animals and birds mark their territory. Power gives security. Powerful gets the best mate, food and a group of weaklings to take protection under the powerful. Even when there is abundance there is an identification with the species. I have never heard of a dragonfly mating a lion! So at some level, there is identification which is not needed before birth and after death and is all about living!

But, claiming to be the most intelligent species by far, have we taken this survival instinct too far, to protect our future or the future of our kith and kin?  

GM: Identification, curbs growth and freedom. If we do-not identify ourselves with the fact that we are the most intelligent species on this planet, would we have been more empathetic and loving with the other creatures of our planet?

Clinging too much to the process of identification leads us to lose oneself, become a puppet in the hands of someone else. Identification, in such cases, curbs one from questioning and questioning is vital to growth. Identification does not allow us to experiment and learn. I was just thinking, if Galileo had strongly identified with the church, not questioned their propaganda of the earth being flat, then probably it would have taken years for us to realize the world is spherical in shape. Such identification does not allow us to grow and understand differing points of view. 

GB:  But look what came upon Galileo Galilei. The church did instill fear and objected to a proper burial. Almost after a century the un-rotten body parts are placed in a museum. No other species could do something like that! But did that act bring about a change? Has discrimination ended? Are we truly free? As long as there are no tangible, immediate gratifications, one is at a loss and does not understand the crippling effect of identification during the normal course of a day. In a school context, one can clearly see how children are bombarded with such thoughts and actions by the adults of the community. Any fresh idea gets curbed and is made to conform because to find a fresh path however joyful, is not easy or effortless. Are we willing to expend the energy that it takes to be aware? Are we as a species always looking for ways to minimize effort? Are we always improvising our gadgets and creating new ones to free ourselves from hard labor? 

GM: Identification leads to a conformist attitude. Identification with the kind of food we eat, the community that we associate ourselves with, the profession that we choose, the familial values that we pass down from generation – isn’t that a prison – where we lie quiet and expect the future generation to silently tag along. Above all, identification gives us a sense of security and comfort. So, man though born free does not want to remain free.

Identification happens because of several reasons:

• Fear
• Sense of duty

(Yudhishthira portrayed this aspect in Mahabharata – identifying oneself with the laws of dharma – right or wrong – taught to him by his elders)

• Conditioned love also forms a strong reason for identification.

Conditioned love means ownership of one person over the others – in such ownership identification forms the basis of the survival of the relationship.

When we identify with a certain religion, we do grow – that fact cannot be denied. But growth is limited or in other words, growth happens within a limited boundary that leads to conditioning.

Identification has certain features:

• It gives a sense of comfort.
• Identification is associated with an outcome.
• It curbs self-exploration.
• It ceases during certain moments throughout our lifetime.
• It definitely ceases with death.
• It is a natural process.
• It leads to cross-roads in our life.
• There are multiple identifications that we look out for during our lifetime.
• It changes with age and time.
• The need for identification is common through all living species on this planet.
• Identification, according to J. Krishnamurti, starts from our inner reasoning to connect ourselves with the outer world.

Have there been people who freed themselves from identification? What about Buddha and Mahavira? What about Gandhiji, EVR Periyar Ramaswamy?  They seemed to have freed themselves from certain aspects of community living which they could not align themselves with. For instance, Gandhiji could not accept untouchability and he wanted to do away with it. However, he did continue to identify himself with other aspects of Hinduism as did EVR as an atheist. So, did Hinduism, Buddhism, Jainism or any form of contrived religions of this world got people to move from one prison to another? This brings us back to the question, can we live without identification?

Can we free ourselves from nationalism? Can we live religion -less, border – less, race- less? When we free ourselves from these thoughts – do we remain free or do we move and cling on to something else?

GB: Yes!  As long as one lives in fear of losing one’s position, may it be a small team or a nation, one clings.

 The vandalism of a Buddha statue stirred everyone up in Srilanka this very year, the first month of the year.  Is it portrayed so by the media? If the news that says a man stole Rs. 60 from the glass cabin in which the statue was placed, I feel a stab in my gut. When 60 million millions are swindled, someone is in need of just Rs. 60?  What is the identity of such? Is there any hope for such awareness?

The writers are faculties at a private school in Chennai.

I was reading a commentary by J. Krishnamurti. This commentary was published in the book titled ‘Commentaries of Living 2 – Chapter 53 : Envy and Loneliness.’ The commentary follows his usual style of describing a natural, relatively calm setting and then he takes through the gamut of emotions – ambition, love, envy from the eyes of a young woman suffering from jealousy and wanting to find a solution – solution to do away with jealousy and be happy with what she has. Krishnamurti gently takes us to our childhood where the workshop of success and competition in our culture breeds jealousy and envy.

“ Envy is encouraged and respected, is it not? The competitive spirit is nourished from childhood.”

Dependence on another person – husband, family – leads to possession, says Krishnamurti. Is possession – love? So, does love and jealousy go together? Can we love anyone without being jealous?

We long to others/ attach ourselves with someone because of our fear of loneliness. The way to overcome jealousy, he says, is to stop criticizing ourselves for this emotion and rather analyzing why we react this way. This analysis according to Him, is meditation.

I had been reading about Dr. V. Shanta, the woman who is known to help cancer patients by her dedication and services through the Adyar Cancer Hospital. Her yeoman service leaves one awe struck. Transforming a small 12- bed cancer hospital to a cancer institute recognized and admired by the world is no mean task.

All the more interesting was the fact that she made first floor of the hospital her residence. This is a perfect example of passion and love for one’s job. Here is a Wonder Woman whose love for her job and her patients was both her professional and personal life. There was no distinction between the two. Hats off to this unique personality . May her soul Rest In Peace.

I happend to visit a home for mentally ill women as part of the charity drive organized at school with my students. The home set in the midst of a farm on the outskirts of the city was seren and beautiful. It was a 2- story building with rooms, administrative office and staff quarters for a few dedicated staff who live with the inmates.

These destitutes were not smart enough to keep themselves clean. Some of them could not communicate, some could not comprehend even when we spoke to them. It made me wonder what trauma they had faced in their lives – that shocked them and left them like dead zombies.

Each room had 7-8 inmate of different age groups. Some rooms had steel cot with blankets and other rooms were bare with a few beddings. It was sad to see so many women as destitute in a country with multitude of women goddess. Their life was pathetic. Each one of them had only two or three night gowns which they wore for 2 or 3 days at a stretch as they had nothing to change to. All their heads were shaved as it was difficult to get them to comb their hair.

I heard from the staff that some cry everyday for a child they had lost, some remember that they had a family, some scream in terror and run around the campus begging for help from an imaginary assailant. Life is so not fair.

One thing that I noticed during my visit was they all loved dancing – raunchy moves for all item numbers. It slowly dawned in me that they would have been rescued from pimps or they would have escaped from prostitution Centres.

The inmates of the home were picked up from the bus stand or railway station by the police. They were taken to hospitals for a check-up, they are certified to be mentally ill and then they are handed over to these homes. No one comes claiming to meet them. They have no visitors. So the home becomes their sanctuary.

These women are trained in gardening and poultry farming. They love the task they do and are very protective of their plants or hens. Conversation with them is limited to food and songs they like. Some keep repeating the food they like every 10 minutes. They love visitors – people who visit them, mingle with them, hold their hands, talk to them, dance with them and laugh at their jokes. But who has the time?

Sending donations as cash by clicking the mouse or sending old, re-used materials are more easier these days. So they get plenty of sponsors for material things but what they yearn most is the human touch.

A visit to such a home shook me out of my reverie – a reverie where I used to take things for granted. It slowly dawned in me that life can be worse and I am blessed to have a family – a family that is very supportive and kind. Let me value what I have.

When we teach 15 – 17 year olds, classes have to be interesting and effective. One such effective tool is Presentation – Power Point Presentation – sounds all grand. Rather, getting students to present the content through a PPT is considered a challenging and innovative teaching style.

It is true to a certain extent. But if I encourage students to make presentations where they have to take a stand – give an opinion or justify themselves then the same PPT seems challenging.

Sad fact is that there are very few students who voluntarily agree to these kinds of assignments. PPT makes students excited as long as it is about adding animations to facts or secondary data collected by the students from different sources. There are hardly any students who cite the data they have Collected. If pressed to give an opinion or take a stand – students blindly rip – off somebody’s opinion posted in some blog claim it as their own – leading to issues of plagiarism.

Over the years of teaching, I have realized that an effective presentation is possible only when students read and research on the topic given to them. By researching, I mean reading relevant content from newspapers, appropriate journal or magazines, listening to TED talks , talking to people about the topic or the issue (informal discussion) and carrying out small survey.

Even before researching students have to have a plan or a mind-map of the sources from where they can draw inferences. So, mind- map, diverse research, good comprehension of the content received, framing a rough draft, getting a feedback of the same from a peer/mentor and then presenting to an audience along with their opinion is how PPT assignments should be used in class. The question is do teachers explain all this to students and whether students have enough time in their academic calendar to execute the same and enjoy the process of learning!